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Five more weeks to go!

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Today I am 35 weeks pregnant.  And here is my beach ball belly to prove it.   
 
People are asking me if this pregnancy is as easy as all of my previous pregnancies?  The answer to that is yes…and no.  
 
The baby?  Yes, that part of the pregnancy is just like all the rest.  He’s measuring “big” for my due date, he is just as active as all the rest, he has a good heart beat, etc.
 
My weight gain?  Yes, that is the same as all the rest.  I have always gained anywhere between 40 and 45 pounds for each pregnancy, even the ones in my early 20’s.  That is just my normal pregnancy weight gain.
My weight?  No! The difference with this pregnancy and all the others is that I’m much more tired, I do not have much energy, and I’m much more sore… and it’s all due to my weight.  Not my weight gain – but my weight. I was at least 15-20 pounds heavier when I got pregnant than my normal non-pregnancy weight.  (I was always planning on losing the weight, but I just never got around to it.)  So that makes the typical 40 pound weight gain all that more difficult to deal with. Right now I weigh waaaay more than I ever have with a pregnancy.  And as a result, I tire easily. I get winded walking up the stairs.  My hips and pelvic bones hurt way earlier in this pregnancy, and I just don’t have the energy that I wish I had.  It’s not all that comfortable, and I still have FIVE more weeks to go!  Yikes!
 
Despite my aches and pains – and the fact that I cannot put on my own shoes unless they are flip-flops – I am still really enjoying this pregnancy. Everything about it is such a blessing, and I am so thankful that I get to do this one more time. 
 
Last weekend was my baby shower.  I was spoiled by so many friends and I got such nice things for the baby. 
This is my favorite photo of the day,
just me and my girls.

39 weeks and counting….

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And just when you thought I’ve fallen off the face of the earth…
Here I am!!

 And I still have my big belly, bursting at the seams. 
I’m 39 weeks along now – so exciting!
Okay, so I’m still pregnant and getting bigger by the day. I’m 39 weeks now.  Just one more week until this baby is due to arrive! My belly feels very heavy some days, and then other days I feel perfectly fine with a lot of energy.  So on the days I have energy, I get a lot done. And on the days that I don’t, I only do the bare minimum around here, which does NOT include cooking, laundry or cleaning of any sort.  I basically go straight from the car (because that is my “have to” — taking the kids to and from various events)  right into bed, onto the couch, or into the bath.  The rest (the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning) is on the kids.  And yes, they complain.  But for the most part, they have really been doing a great job.  Avery and Alex have taken on the cooking duty.  Avery made breaded chicken breasts and baked potatoes the other night, without any assistance from me.  I only told her what to do from my bed.  Not too bad for a 12 year old. And Alex made spaghetti and meatballs last night. As far as cleaning up the kitchen after meals,  I have Alex, Avery, A.J. and Aislynn on that duty.  All four of them, ages 13, 12, 10 and 8, work together to clean up after meals.  My older three are rarely home to help because they all have jobs outside the home.  So it’s the younger six that have been my main helpers.   (well, Andrew and Aria try to help, but they make more of the messes than they do help.)
You might be wondering…where is your husband? Well, lately he is working so much at the fire station. Back to back overtimes have kept him at work for up to 4 days in a row, then he’ll be home for one day, then back to work for another 4 days in a row, and so on.  It has been like this for the past few weeks. Although we miss him and I could really use his help right now, this is a good thing that he’s working so much at this time. All of this overtime will allow him to take 3 to 4 weeks off once the baby is born.
My midwife, who will be assisting us with our home birth and who has helped with our last 3 births, will be out of town this weekend.  I’m really trying not to go into labor until she gets back!  I would hate for her to miss this birth. Actually, I’m hoping to go a little past my due date.  The perfect delivery date for ME would be June 2nd.  I have so much going on until then with kids’ end-of-the-school-year activities and performances, the main one being Afton’s senior prom.  I just have to be there for that — to help her get ready, to take pictures of her and her friends — it’s a big day.  So let’s hope I can keep this baby inside until June 2nd.
I’m still working in Andrew’s Kindergarten class once a week.  Here is Andrew standing by the sunflowers that they are growing in cups.  He will get to take his home soon and plant it in our garden.  I really enjoy working in his classroom and spending time with the kids.  They are all so much fun!  I swear, I could have been  Kindergarten teacher.  It’s funny how life is.  I could have gone one route: college, a degree in teaching, and then a career teaching Kindergarten.  But instead I chose another route:  mom to TEN and no time whatsoever to work outside the home.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have NO regrets on the route I chose.  But sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had I chosen another route.  I guess we all think things like that, right?
 
Aria’s preschool had a Mommy & Me Tea event right around Mother’s Day.  It was so sweet!  They sang songs for us, and then we had a special “tea time” and had cake and juice together. The tables were all decorated, and the children made their moms special cards and gifts.  Ah, I just LOVE being a mommy!
And here’s me again.  I keep taking photos of my belly because it’s going to be gone very soon!  And I know I’m going to miss it!  I will.  So I’m taking lots of pictures of it.  I just love having these phones with cameras built into them!  Technology is so great right now.  It makes it so easy just to snap a picture anywhere.
 These two have their own beds, but every morning I find them sleeping like this.  
The 13 year old and the 6 year old.  
I love it.  Brotherly love.
 Aislynn made this for me for Mother’s Day.
It’s supposed to be me.
It IS me.  I love it.
This four year old dresses up everyday.  On this day she is wearing her Little Orphan Annie costume.  Well, actually…the wig is for a Brave costume (she was Merida last Halloween)  and the dress?  Well that dress was made back in January 1997 by my grandmother.  She made this dress for Audriana’s 4th birthday. And now Aria is wearing it.  I love that.
Avery’s 12th Birthday Party was a hit!  We rented out a roller rink and she invited her friends to come skate for a few hours.  It was SO much fun, and I was only bummed that I could not skate myself.  I would have…but the rules of the place said no pregnant mother could skate.  Bummer!
 
Well, I’m going to end it here.  Sorry for all the time that’s passed between blog posts, but I’ve just not been all that into it lately.  I’m busy running kids around, and in my spare time trying to get things organized for the baby’s arrival.  I’m in my “nesting” mode right now!  Things are getting washed (all the baby clothing, crib bedding and blankets)  and organized (my bedroom, where he will spend 90% of his time in the first few weeks)  and putting things together (we just put up the crib!)  and all that good stuff that comes right before a baby does!

exhausted

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Saturday 5/25/13Today was an extremely busy day.  Three of our kids had sports tournaments.  They each had two games today, all at different locations.  Rich and I divided and conquered.  I took A.J. to his first baseball game, and I watched a little of that game.  Then I had to leave to take Aislynn to her first soccer game.  After that ended, I went home to eat something.   Then I went back for Aislynn’s second soccer game.  After that ended,  I went back to A.J.’s field location to watch  a little of A.J.’s second game.  I had to leave that game while it was still playing so that I could go back home to pick up Alex to take him to his last game.   Rich was busy, too.  He came straight from work this morning and met us at A.J’s  8:00am game.  Then he took Alex to his first soccer game, and after that he  took A.J. to his second baseball game, and when that ended he drove to meet us at Alex’s last game.
Did you catch all that?  Because I lived through this crazy day and even I’m lost right now.  But yeah, that’s the way it happened today.  My day started at 6:15am because A.J had to be at the field by 7:00am for his 8:00 game.  And it ended at about 7:00pm when Alex’s last game finished.Such a busy day.  It was hard on me, to be honest.  The parking at these tournaments are NOT close to the fields.  I had to walk SO far from the parking structure to Aislynn’s field.  It took me about 10 to 15 minutes just to walk and actually find field #7 on the HUGE college campus where it was located.  And I was carrying my purse, two water bottles, a chair and an umbrella.  Oh, and a huge 39 week pregnant belly.  Yeah, I was hauling that around, too.  I kept having to stop for a minute and just stand because my belly would tighten up in a contraction – the Braxton Hicks “fake” contractions, not the real thing.  But sometimes, I swear, you just have to stop during those fake ones, too.  They can be very strong and uncomfortable.  So that’s why it took me so long to walk to the field — and I did this twice today, at Aislynn’s games.  Then twice today for A.J.’s games, and one last time for Alex’s game.  I was so glad when the day was over!  I was completely sore and exhausted.  The bath never looked so good.
After the day I had, it’s not surprising that tonight I had pretty strong contractions while lying in bed.  I couldn’t sleep.  They came every 3 minutes or so. They were not painful, really, but they were strong, and I could definitely feel the familiarity of labor in each one.  So after about a half hour of them, I got up and walked around.  They say if you change positions or if you get up and walk, and they stop…then it’s not real labor.
Thankfully they stopped!
Not that it would be awful to have the baby tonight.  It wouldn’t.  He’s welcome to come any time he’s ready!  I’m excited to meet him!  But… well, we aren’t quite ready.   Rich hasn’t even gotten the birthing pool inflated yet.  It should be inflated and ready to go.  And he needs to attach the hose hook-ups to our shower and get the hose up there, ready to fill the tub.  He bought the attachments at Home Depot about a week ago, but guess what?  He can’t find them now.  Yep, they are lost somewhere in the house…because he did not put them upstairs where they belong.  See, when things get left out  on counters in this house, they end up getting stashed and hid away in the most random places when the kids “clean” up.  I find things in drawers and cabinets, in the fire place, behind couch cushions, under the couch, under the piano bench, inside the piano bench, in the laundry pile, in the hall closet, under beds, etc  — really, just anywhere out of sight so that the house looks clean.   We “lose” more things that way!  So it’s my best guess that we are never going to find those attachments.
We’ve had three home births (water births) — and EACH time something went wrong when filling up the birthing pool.  I blame Rich, completely.  Because he always tells me, “Yeah…it’s ready to go.  Don’t worry.”  and then labor will start, and he will begin filling the pool with water, and the water will leak from the attachment (where the hose is attached to the shower head)  and he will try to hold it in place,  and then the water will run all down his arm, which wastes all of the hot water (we have a very lame water heater!)  and then guess what?  The bigger kids spend their time running up the down the stairs carrying pots of hot water that are boiled on the kitchen stove.  And I’ll sit in a birth pool that’s barely full, having intense contractions,  trying to remain cheerful while inside I’m SO angry that the ONE thing he has to do…the one thing HE is in charge of…doesn’t work!  For my first home birth, when the attachment didn’t work…he actually LEFT me and ran to Home Depot to get another attachment!  I have quick labors – very quick!  You don’t  leave during my labor…or you risk missing the birth!   I shouldn’t be stressed out during my laboring.  I should be relaxed as much as possible, right?  Well, it’s not so relaxing when you are at 8cm and your husband is at Home Depot.
And if he reads this (which he won’t because he doesn’t read my blog)  he will say, “Hey, it’s not my fault!”  or he will say, “Oh, it wasn’t that bad”  or he will say, “The pool was filled eventually, right?”   and yes, while it was eventually filled, it wasn’t by the HOSE that he was supposed to be in charge of!  Thank goodness I have enough big kids around who can run buckets of hot water up and down the stairs.
So THIS time…this one LAST time…I was hoping that things would be READY.  But again, they are not.  And today was his ONE day off, and now he’s back to work for a few more days.  GREAT!   So that is why I’m still hoping to go late with this pregnancy.  I just want things actually to work correctly this time around.  We still need time to get these things ready!
 
And tomorrow….the tournaments continue.  It will be a repeat of today.  The only difference?  Rich will be at work!  So it’s all on me to take kids to their games,  and walk the fields again ….
You know, if I don’t end up having this baby this weekend, it will be a miracle!

Whew…I made it!

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I’m happy to report that I made it through this 3-day weekend without going into labor.   Yesterday I only had to attend 3 games, and today only two!  easy-peasy!
 
My midwife is back in town, the birthing pool has been inflated and is ready to go (thank you to my oldest son, Anthony!)  and it seems that except for the hose attachments still being lost, we are pretty much ready should this baby make his appearance soon.  (well, the hose attachment is a major, actually. because without it we cannot fill the pool with water.  Unless, of course, we do the tired and true “bucket brigade” like we’ve done the past three times!)
This photo was taken just the other night — you can see by the expression on my face that this was one of those days when I was just completely spent.  Not only does my belly look extremely large in this photo, but I do not look all that happy. And that’s because at the time, I wasn’t! My bones hurt, my sciatica was acting up, and I was exhausted.  Yep, I have days like this. I suppose all women in their 39th week of pregnancy have days like this.
But then I have days like this, when I’m walking in the mall and I feel like posing with another pregnant woman.  Okay, this is a giant pregnant woman on a bill board,  but still.  I was in a good enough mood to pull this off.   I’m 39 weeks here, too.  It all just depends on the day I’m having, whether I look like the above photo, or this photo.
 
My kids never know which mommy they are going to get from any given point of the day. There’s the happy-to-be-pregnant mommy, who is happy and cheerful and walking around without limping. And that’s the fun mommy to have around. Then there is the I’m-ready-to-be-done-with-this-pregnancy mommy, who is grumpy and limping around the house and gets on their case if the house is messy and is just flat-out impossible to please.  And that mommy is one that no one likes to be around.  Who can blame them? My poor kids.  Oh well, it will be all over soon.  Once the baby is born, I will feel better. Such is always the case. And when I feel better, I act better.  It’s really as simple as that.
 
Two more days until my due date — will I make it to my target date of June 2nd?  It’s funny how I want to be “late” — most expectant moms don’t want to go a day over their due date.  And yeah, I’m feeling uncomfortable and really DO want this baby out soon…but still.  I have so much going on with the kids this week, and Afton’s prom is June 1st and I don’t want to miss that.  So Sunday, June 2nd is when I want to have this baby.  Do you think setting your mind to something like this will make it happen?  You know how they say the power of the mind is a mighty thing and controls a lot…do you think that applies to when your body goes into labor? I wonder.

THIS is 40 — weeks, that is!

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Okay, I’ve been waiting until the day that I could title my post like this.  Have you seen the move “This is 40”?  Loved that movie.
 
Anyway, so I’ve reached 40 weeks!So far I don’t feel like the baby is coming anytime soon. And that’s a good thing. Tonight I have Afton’s Senior Awards ceremony to attend, and tomorrow I have Andrew’s Kindergarten Singing Performance and A.J.’s 4th grade violin concert.  And of course there’s Afton’s prom on Saturday.  Nope, no time for baby to come now.  He’s just going to have to stay put until Sunday, at least.  Well, that’s MY plan.  I wonder what the little guy’s plan is?  
 
We’ve got everything ready!  
 
The birthing tub, inflated and ready to go
Aria, Andrew & Aislynn wanted to get in the picture
 
 
The hose that will fill the tub
and it’s attached this time, and doesn’t leak!
The baby’s changing table, which is in our master bath
Baby diapers and supplies
 
The crib, set up next to my side of the bed 
 …which we all know will just be a place where a pile of clean laundry will collect.  My babies rarely sleep in their cribs — they sleep with me!  But still.  I like to set up the crib because…well, that’s just what you do when you are preparing for baby!  It doesn’t feel right not to set the crib up!
*****
THIS is 40 weeks…and I’m very glad to be here!

40 plus 4

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I’m happy to report that I made my target date — I attended Afton’s prom photo shoot yesterday and saw her off for her big day!  The little boy in my belly cooperated with me and stayed put.  So now I feel very relieved. No more worries. He is free to come at anytime.  And I am ready!

 

 
I am now 40 weeks plus 4 days.  Yep, 4 days “late” and I’m still feeling like not much is happening.  In fact, today I feel fine, as if I were in my 30th week instead of my 40th.  The thing is…the longer I go, the bigger this kid is going to get.  And while that doesn’t actually worry me too much (my biggest baby so far was 10 pounds 7 ounces)  I certainly do not want to birth a 12 pound baby. So, the sooner this kid comes out, the better.
Not only that, but the kids are getting anxious!  Every time they see me they ask, “Mom, is the baby coming today?” and when I say, “I don’t feel like today is the day.”  they get so discouraged. 
 
But at least this gives them time to take more belly shots of me.Here are a few that Avery took today.  
 
I will miss this belly!  There’s just something about having the baby safe inside that brings me comfort.  He’s all mine right now.  I feel him move. I feel his hiccups. I feed him.  He goes wherever I go.   Soon he will be OUT and I will have to share him with everyone.  
 
Rich is now off work until July 1st.  We are so excited about that. What at treat to have daddy home a full month!  School will be out soon, and Rich can take the kids to the beach and to the pool during the days, leaving me alone with the baby so that I can recover and bond with my new little one. I’m looking forward to that.  I will have a nice “baby moon” — as they call it.  
 
Just for fun…
Here is what my babies have all weighed.  Who will guess the exact weight of this one?
 
Audriana (born 3 days early)  8 pounds 6 ounces
Afton (born 4 days early)  8 pounds 3 ounces
Alex (born 6 days late)  8 pounds 14 ounces
Avery (born 4 days late)  8 pounds 1 ounce
A.J (born 6 days late) 10 pounds 6 ounces
Aislynn (born on her due date)  9 pounds 2 ounces
Andrew (born 8 days late)  9 pounds even
Aria (born 2 days early)  10 pounds 7 ounces
 
(for those new to my blog, Anthony is not listed because I did not give birth to him – he’s my stepson- so his weight would not be relevant for this comparison!)
 
  

my number ten

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He’s here!
All 9 pounds 14 ounces of him!
(did anyone guess that? come close?)
mommy holding him for the first time, still in the birthing pool
Aiden Richard
9 pounds 14 ounces
22 and 1/4 inches long
born on June 3, 2013
at 1:05am
His birth story will be along shortly…
In the meantime, if you’d like to see more photos
follow me on Instagram: mamakat10

birth story: aiden

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I’ve been trying to figure out a way to write Aiden’s birth story.  All the other birth stories that I read are so beautifully written, capturing every magical moment.  I wanted mine to be written like that!  And I’ve been trying.  But after a few attempts, I’ve come to accept that there’s no way for me to write it like that.  I have to keep it real.  And that’s not to say his birth wasn’t beautiful or magical – it was, simply because he was born, and that is a very beautiful and magical moment.  But the hour and 20 minutes leading up to that special moment were not serene, calm, or poetically beautiful.  They were intense, chaotic, and a bit loud.  
 
Just so you know, I always make the “perfect” birth plan up in my head.  Weeks before I’m due, I select beautiful songs that I want playing while I labor.  I set up the room with candles that I want lit during my labor.   I have ideas in my head of the “perfect photos” that I want to capture during my labor; of my husband gently stroking my head, or of me resting my head on his shoulder after a tiring contraction.  Photos that capture all the magical love of the moment.
 
But it just never goes that way for me!  My labors are just too darn short. While I “labor”, everyone around me is busy getting everything ready; rushing to fill the birth pool, rushing to set up all the equipment in the room.  Rushing, rushing, rushing. Because they know the baby is coming fast. 
 
There really is no time for me to enjoy the early labor time.  I don’t ease into labor anymore, like I did with my first three or four labors, where you feel a contraction and then wait for the next one…wondering if this is “it” or if it’s just false labor.  Then the next one happens and you look at the clock and start timing them;  ten minutes apart, eight minutes apart, six minutes….and then hours later you are at two minutes apart.  That is easing into labor, where you have time to play the sweet, calming music that you’ve put together for this special time, where you turn the lights down and light all the scented candles…
 
That is how I always envision it going for me.  But that is not how it goes.  So I will write my own sort of birth story, complete with the pictures that show the real story, and they are not all that magical and beautiful.  But they are real.  And just so you know, the photos are not graphic … so you can relax about that (Cranky, I had you in mind while deciding on which photos to show)  but you will see a very pregnant belly, and one water shot after the baby is born (but it’s very blurry so you don’t really see anything, but hey you all know where babies come from, so don’t act all surprised by the water birth shot. I don’t want to hear it.)  Oh, and the photos are in black and white, which help keep everything a bit mellow.  
 
So without much more explanation, here is Aiden’s birth story….
 
*****
It was Sunday, June 2nd. We had a busy day with kids’ sports, but lucky for me my husband was home and I rested most of the day.  I got into the bath at around 10:30pm.  This is my normal routine, to take a bath before bed.  Rich was in the next room, our bedroom, watching the news.  I stayed in the bath, reading and playing on my iPhone, for about an hour.  Yes, an hour.  I take long baths.  So at 11:30 I got out of the bath, dried off, and got into bed.  Rich had not fallen asleep yet, so I asked him to rub my lower back, which is always hurting me at the end of the day.
 
He started to rub my back, and then I felt a contraction.  This was normal for me, too, as I had been having contractions for the past 3 weeks.  Just a tightening of my stomach, the typical Braxton Hicks contractions.  Only this one wasn’t stopping, and it got painful right away, enough so that I told Rich to STOP rubbing my back.  
 
“What’s wrong?”  he asked.
“Contraction.”  I said.  “It hurts.”
“IS IT TIME?!!!  Should I call Sue?!!!”  (Sue is our midwife)
He sat up in the bed and started acting all nervous, and that bothered me.
“Calm down and don’t over react!”  I snapped.  “Just let me be for a second!”
 
So after taking this picture of me (isn’t it lovely?) Rich gets back into bed and says to wake him if this is the “real” thing. I knew it was the real thing, but whatever.  I let him get back into bed simply because I didn’t want him making a fuss at that time.  I wanted a few minutes to myself.    He falls asleep in like 30 seconds (firemen are trained to do this)  and so I stay in this position.  Five minutes go by….and BAM…another contraction hits.  I ride it through and wait.  Five minutes later…BAM…another contraction hits.  This time I grip the headboard because it hurts more than the last two.  When it’s over, I stay in this position and reach my right hand waaaaay over to Rich’s side of the bed and I snap my fingers loudly in his ear.  SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!
 
“Rich! Up! Now!  Get up. This is it.  Wake up!”  
 
He slowly gets out of bed and rubs his face, staring down at me.  Just standing there.  I stay in this position and tell him things that I need him to do.  But he just stares at me, looking sleepy.
 
“Wake up!”  I tell him.  

He’s stands there, rubbing his face. “I’m awake. I’m awake.” But I can see his eyes and he is not really awake.   He is Sleepy Rich, and Sleepy Rich is agitating me, big time. 
 
“You are NOT awake….” I growl at him. “Go right now into the bathroom and splash cold water on your face.”
 
“….but I’m awake.” 
 
“DO IT NOW!  WATER!  ON YOUR FACE – NOW! GO!”
 
He disappears into the bathroom and I hear the water running.  
 
By that time, another contraction hit and I realized that I need to be moving through these, because they are getting intense.  So I get up and start walking around.  I tell Rich to start filling the birthing pool, because it’s going to happen soon.  There was no warm up to this labor, no easy laboring part that I can enjoy.  I was just pushed right into the intense part of labor.  I was immediately in what I like to call, my Agitated State.  This is where you don’t really want to be around me.
 
“Do you want me to put your play list on so you can have your music in the background?”  Rich asks me.  So sweet of him to think of that for me.  And how to I reply?
 
“NO!!!  NO MUSIC!!!”   Grrrrrrrr!
 
“Okay, well do you want me to light some of the candles?”
 
“NO!  NO CANDLES!”  Arrrrrrrr!
 
See?  I was already past all that.  I was in the agitated state where I wanted NOTHING but to get this baby out.
 
“Well, do you want me to wake the kids?”  he asked.
 
“NO!!  Do NOT wake the kids!  NO KIDS!!!”  
 
Poor Rich.  He was trying.
 
My midwife is in route by this time.  She only lives about 15 minutes away.  I knew she would be here soon, so I wasn’t even concerned about that.  My only real concern was if that birthing pool would be filled with the correct temperature before the baby was born.  I really wanted him to be born in water.  And I was thinking, damn these quick labors!
Here I am hugging the wall during a contraction.  
See the hose running out of the shower behind me?  
It went straight into our bedroom 
and was filling the birthing pool, which was at the foot of our bed.
Our midwife and her assistant arrived and immediately got busy setting up the room.  They bring with them a lot of supplies and emergency equipment (just in case)  so it’s a busy time while they get things ready.  Rich was able to tend to me at that time, so he rubbed my lower back during some contractions.  
I’m not sure who took this picture.  
I think my midwife must have picked up my camera during this time.  
I will say that Rich helped a lot during these last few contractions.  
The pain I had on my lower back was greatly reduced when he applied pressure.
After that photo where Rich is rubbing my back, the next contraction that hit me was the kind where I found myself bearing down.  It’s a different kind of contraction all together; it’s the kind that pushes the baby down the birth canal. So after THAT contraction, I KNEW I needed to get into that tub.
“Can I get it NOW?”  is what I was saying when this picture was taken.
and here I am with my hand on my hip, 
obviously a bit peeved that I had to wait to get into the birthing tub.
I can almost see my foot tapping with impatience…
My belly is hang’n very low…baby is coming soon!
And about two minutes later, I got the okay to get into the pool.  The temperature has to be just right.  The baby has to be born into the same temperature that my body is, or as close as possible.  So that is why I had to wait. 

As soon as I got into the pool, things started happening even more quickly.  I didn’t get time to relax in the water.  Not at all.  I got into the pool, and then the next contraction moved the baby into the birth canal.  It was exhausting. Those contractions really take a lot out of me.
My face here cracks me up.  But yeah, it’s like that.  
At this time, Rich was walking around the birthing pool, trying to figure out where he wanted to be for the birth.  The midwife asked, “Do you want to get into the pool with her?”  and I said, “NO!!!  I DON’T WANT HIM IN HERE!!!”   I realize now that I was a bit rude with my answer, but remember…I was in my agitated state. This is not the real me. This is the about to push a big baby out of my body me…and she isn’t always nice.
 
The next contraction that hit …. well, that one pushed the baby further down the birth canal and began the crowning stage.  NOT FUN AT ALL.  For me, that is the part that I absolutely hate about giving birth.  I won’t say that I freak out…but let’s just say that I do NOT remain CALM at all during this point, as the next picture will prove…
And there it is. This was the contraction that about did me in.  
Don’t I look like I’m having fun?  
Rich saw what I was going through at this moment, and I’m sure he had every  intention of trying to comfort me through it… but apparently he had an itch on his back that needed to be taken care of first. 
That major contraction finally ended, and this is when Rich patted my shoulder and tried to comfort me by saying, “You’re doing great!  He’s almost out!  I can see the head!”
And this was my “OH MY GAWWWD DON’T TOUCH ME 
DON’T TALK TO ME YOU DID THIS TO ME” moment.   
Check out my eyes.  I am NOT in my happy place.  
Husbands: don’t talk to your laboring woman when she has these eyes.   Just don’t.
And the very next contraction hit just a minute later, and the baby’s head and his body came right out – all at once – and very quickly! After one long and continuous contraction, he was OUT and floating in the water!  And immediately I turned right back into the old me.  The agitated, crazy me was gone.  And the real me was left there, smiling…..
 
Rich grabbed him up from the water …

and put him onto my chest.
The BEST feeling.  Ever.
It was 1:05am on June 3, 2013.
Once he was out and lying on my chest, Audriana and Avery came into the room.  They were excited to see that I had the baby.  I told them to go wake up the other kids.  Soon they all started coming into the room, looking very sleepy, but still excited to see their baby brother.
Aiden seems to be waving hello to his siblings in this picture.
He’s like, “What’s up, guys? I’m here!”

 

We took this quick photo with some of the kids and then they were back to bed.  It was late, and everyone but me was tired.  I got that adrenaline rush, you know, that keeps me wired for a few hours after the birth. Nature’s way of being sure the new mama is alert to take care of her new baby!

While I was sitting in the birthing pool waiting for Aiden’s cord to stop pulsing, my midwife noticed that he had a true knot in his cord.  And I was like, wow….that’s scary. Thank goodness it never tightened up enough to cut off the oxygen and blood flow from the placenta.  I hear those stories and  they break my heart.
He was so quiet while sitting in there with me.  He was warm and cozy and just very calm.  
I think he thought he was still in the womb.
We waited until the cord stopped pulsing….
and then Rich cut the cord.
And he was free from me!  Just like that.
Daddy then held him, skin to skin. 
Next, Aiden was checked over and then weighed by my midwife.  She has attended all four of my home births, by the way.  She’s awesome.
 
 
This blanket contraption is connected at the top to a weight lever — midwives use this to weigh the babies.  The babies just sort of dangle in the blanket, all cozy and snug.
 
Aiden weighs in at 9 pounds 14 ounces!
Not my biggest baby, but still a very BIG baby!


This is one of my favorite photos.  It’s about 3:00 in the morning, just two hours after his birth.  Our midwife and her assistant had just left.  Rich got into bed and fell right asleep, and Aiden did, too.  Only I was up, still high on the adrenaline rush from the baby’s birth.  And I couldn’t stop staring at him.
 
After all those early weeks of this pregnancy, wondering…was this baby going to make it?  Even as each month passed, I never quite believed it would be true.  And yet, he is finally here.  Our Rainbow Baby.  We have our sweet boy, our number ten.  We’ve waited so long for him.   And now he’s here…
 
and he completes our family so perfectly!
 
linking up with

a new baby & a diagnosis

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On March 20, 2015 a pink line spread across a pregnancy stick.

POSITIVE.

Normally this result would thrill me!  I would immediately look into the mirror and say to myself, “You’re a new mommy!”  and I would be smiling from ear to ear.  Then I’d quickly do the math in my head to calculate the due date.  Then I would wonder if it’s a boy or a girl.  Then I would think of a fun way to tell Rich and the kids.  All these thoughts would go through my mind with one major feeling running through me: excitement!

I have peed on many a pregnancy stick in my day and have had very few negative results and fourteen positives.  Fourteen positives!  Five of those fourteen positives didn’t make it, but nine of them did.  I have had nine children born to me, plus a stepson.  Five boys and five girls.

And now I was staring at my 15th positive result, a possible 11th child for our family.  But this one had me worried. This one had me staring at myself in the mirror and instead of saying, “You’re a new mommy!”  I said, “Oh, no….”  

And it wasn’t that I didn’t want another baby.  Of course I did!  The thought of a new baby always thrilled me.  It’s not the baby that I didn’t want.  It was the pregnancy.  The worry.  The high possibility of another miscarriage.  It was the high possibility that the baby would have health issues due to my being 45 years old.  I had five miscarriages in a row after I turned 41.  And then at age 43 I had Aiden, a healthy baby boy.  And I was so thankful for his health.  And I wanted it to end with him.  I wanted my fertility years to end on a positive.  I wanted that.   We wanted that.  I had planned on that.

God obviously had other plans for me, because the stick said POSITIVE.  And I’m not one to argue with the stick.  They have never lied to me before.   Three days later a blood test confirmed the stick, and then two weeks after that I started with the familiar morning sickness.

Things were rolling,  and yet I still wasn’t excited.  I expected to lose the pregnancy at any moment.   My husband kept asking if we could tell people yet?   He was so excited.   But I said no, it’s too early.  So we waited.  And to my surprise the pregnancy continued.   When I reached 11 weeks I decided that I might as well get an ultrasound to see if there was a growing baby inside of me.  The ultrasound confirmed that there was indeed a little kicker in there, moving all around and practically waving at me, “See, mom?  I told you so.  I’m on the way!”  was what the little kicker was telling me.  And it was at that moment while I was lying on that exam table staring at my new baby on the monitor that I finally grasped the idea that this was really going to happen. We were going to add on to our family.  Again.

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the little kicker

And I was thrilled.  Thrilled!   I walked out of that office and practically skipped to my car.   This meant that Aiden would have a sibling close in age!  Someone he could go through school with and ride bikes with and do all sorts of things with!  This meant that I could do the whole newborn thing all over again!  And the pregnancy?  Oh wow, how I loved pregnancy!  I could do some really neat pregnancy photos this time around.  I could do another home birth, making it my fifth home birth (water birth)  in a row.    And I could baby-wear again and breastfeed again and set up the crib again (which hardly gets used because we co-sleep, but still.  Setting up the crib is always exciting!)   Another baby!  I couldn’t believe my luck.  I was SO happy.  So overjoyed.  So looking forward to this new little one.

We told the kids shortly after that ultrasound.  They were all very surprised because we had told them many times after Aiden’s birth that there would be no more babies.  That we were done. Finished.  For sure. No more babies.  Aiden is the last baby, we told them, so make sure you enjoy him!  And at first they doubted us, and then after time they began to believe it and accept it. And then a little more than a year later we tell them we are expecting another baby!   Our children may never trust what we say again.  But they were all excited after they got over the shock of it all. Our kids love babies.

My husband was eager to tell everyone, but I still wanted to wait.  With Aiden’s pregnancy, we waited until I was 16 weeks along before we let friends and family know.  I told my husband I wanted to do the same with this one.  He reluctantly agreed, and the kids also said they’d keep it hush until then.

At 15 weeks I went in to get my blood drawn for routine blood work and also for the MaterniT21 screening.  For those of you not familiar with that test, the MaterniT21 blood test checks the baby’s DNA via the mother’s blood.  They can detect Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13, as well as Turner’s Syndrome,  and they can also tell the baby’s gender.  I had this test with Aiden, and I liked it as an alternative to an amniocentesis.  There is no risk to the baby with this simple blood test, and although it is only considered a screening and not diagnostic,  it has proven to be extremely accurate.  So I had my blood drawn for these things, and I was told the results would be available in one week.  I didn’t give much thought to the tests, actually.  At this point I was at ease with the pregnancy.  I had gotten past the first trimester, and my morning sickness was finally tapering off, and things just felt really, really good.  I didn’t give much thought to the DNA test.  The week passed quickly without me thinking much about it.

And then I got the phone call.  It was Friday, June 19th at 2:40pm.  There are certain moments in your life that your brain won’t ever let you forget, not even if you try.  This phone call is one of mine.

It was my OB on the phone.  That was the first red flag. When I heard his voice, I immediately knew this wasn’t going to be a good call, because normally it is a nurse that gives you good test results over the phone.

“Hi, Katrina.  How are you doing, hon?” he asked.  He called me “hon” – that was the second red flag. And his voice wasn’t right. He was speaking slowing and too gently, as if he was talking to a spooked or cornered animal.  Or to a mother who was about to get her world shattered.

I said, “I’m okay.”   But I’m really not okay, am I?  Not after you tell me what you are going to tell me.  I won’t be okay ever again, will I?   I shut my eyes and braced myself.   No, no, no…don’t say it….

And then he said it.  He said what I was afraid he was going to say.  And my world just stopped.

Has your world ever just stopped?  It’s an interesting feeling, actually.  It’s like time just freezes for a few seconds, and a silence surrounds you and you are the only person there in this very strange void.  Things and conversations are obviously still going on around you, but your brain makes it all silent.  And your blood turns cold.  It actually does.  It just gets cold in that one instant.  It’s very surreal.

He said, “Your test came back positive for Trisomy 13, Katrina.  I’m so sorry.”

This is where my world stopped, and then three seconds later it resumed again. Just like that.

And I said, “Okay….well…. that’s not good.  That’s incompatible with life.” 

He said, “Yes, you are correct.  I’m so sorry.”

And I said, “So…what now?”  Calm.  I was very calm.

He said, “Well, I’d like for you to see a perinatologist who can give you a detailed ultrasound and possibly an amnio to confirm the results.  There’s always a chance that the test is wrong, but I have to tell you that these new blood screenings are very, very accurate.  The possibility of a false positive is very unlikely.”

And just like that my dreams of this new baby, they were shattered.  Out of the three most common trisomies, Trisomy 13 has the worst outcome.  I knew this.  The most likely outcome is death, often before the baby is born.  And I stood there in my kitchen with the phone to my ear and I thought to myself:  There will be no new baby after all   Aiden will not be a big brother.  I went through 16 weeks of pregnancy for nothing.  

I was able to write down the phone number of the doctor that I needed to see next, and before I hung up the phone,  my OB asked me if I had any questions for him.  I had only one question.  I asked if he would tell me the sex of the baby.  Even though previously I had made up my mind that I did not want to know the baby’s gender, that I wanted to be surprised at the birth, at that moment I desperately needed to know.  I needed to know just who was in there, who would I be losing?   Who?

He said, “The baby is a boy.”  There was no excitement in his voice.  Just sadness.

I smiled and repeated it back to him, “A boy.”  

I smiled.  I actually smiled.  Thinking back to this moment I’m so glad I smiled, that I was able to feel a genuine sense of joy at the news that he was a boy.  I feel that my son deserved that response from me, his mommy.  I’m so glad that I smiled!

The doctor told me he would talk to me soon, and we hung up.  I stood there in the kitchen completely numb.  I could not cry at that point.  I sat back down at the kitchen table with a few of the kids and continued with what we were doing before the phone call.  But I wasn’t really there. My mind was elsewhere, lost in a fog made up of confusion, despair, grief and maybe just a hint of denial.

A boy!  A sweet baby boy.  Another son.  I already loved him.  So much.   I had just started to feel his soft little kicks and movements.  Oh, how I wanted him.  How could this be happening?

I made my appointment with the perinatologist for the following Friday.  So I spent the next seven days pouring over the internet for any information that I could find on Trisomy 13, aka Patau Syndrome.  I was looking for some hope.  What I found was not encouraging.

Trisomy 13, also called Patau syndrome, is a chromosomal condition associated with severe intellectual disability and physical abnormalities in many parts of the body. Individuals with trisomy 13 often have heart defects, brain or spinal cord abnormalities, very small or poorly developed eyes (microphthalmia), extra fingers or toes, an opening in the lip (a cleft lip) with or without an opening in the roof of the mouth (a cleft palate), and weak muscle tone (hypotonia). Due to the presence of several life-threatening medical problems, most infants with trisomy 13 die either in utero or within their first days or weeks of life. 

No matter where I looked, the facts of the condition did not vary much.  So I stopped looking for facts on the condition and instead focused on finding out the possibility of a false positive with the MaterniT21 test.  I found a little bit of hope there.  There were a few reported cases of false positives in predicting  Trisomy 13 with this particular blood screening.  There was a small possibility that the T13 cells were confined to the placenta and that the baby was unaffected.  So I clung to that hope, and I spent the rest of the week praying that our baby would be okay.

On June 26 we had our appointment with the perinatologist.  The ultrasound showed that our baby did have some of the major markers for Trisomy 13.  Our hopes that the blood test was wrong were dashed.  I saw my husband wiping at his eyes during the ultrasound, but I refused to cry.  I wanted to see him, my baby boy, without blurry vision.  Maybe this ultrasound would be my last chance to see him alive?  I didn’t know.  So I had made up my mind that I would cry afterwards, but not during the exam.

During the exam I asked questions and I asked the doctor to point things out to us, and I even smiled a few times as I saw the baby moving about.  He seemed a bit annoyed that the ultrasound wand was pressing into his space.  The doctor pointed out his cleft lip and palate, and she showed us where he has a neural tube defect (called an encephalocele)  at the back of his head. He appears to also be missing the vermis in the cerebellum, and his heart has a mitral valve that is not working correctly and is allowing back flow of blood from the bottom chamber of the heart into the upper chamber.  His head shape didn’t appear to be the typical egg-shape that it should be but instead seems to narrow a bit at the forehead.  Other than those things, he appeared to be fully formed with all his little boy parts, a stomach, a bladder, two kidneys and all his fingers and toes.  His legs and arms were moving about, and his little hand was rubbing his sweet little face.   Just looking at him via the ultrasound, how alive he was and how normal he looked despite the T13 markers, I was heartbroken yet full of joy a the same time.  A mixture of two emotions that I wasn’t expecting.  Quirky chromosomes or not, that’s my baby boy, and I was overwhelmed with the feeling of love for him.

IMG_0492

perfect little leg and foot

After the exam ended, the doctor handed me four ultrasound photos, and then she said she would see me back for another ultrasound in 4 more weeks. We decided against getting an amniocentesis because the Trisomy 13 had been pretty much confirmed by all the markers.   Never did the doctor mention my “option” to terminate, and she did not tell us anything negative about our baby or speak about him in a way that was anything but respectful.  She didn’t say he “would suffer” or that termination “would be the best thing” for him and for us.  My husband and I were expecting to hear those things from the genetic counselor, who we met with before the exam, and from this doctor as well.  But they never mentioned it.  We knew that it is very, very common for people to abort babies with Trisomy disorders, and especially Trisomy 13 which has the worst outcomes of the three most common Trisomies, so we were surprised when termination wasn’t mentioned to us.    Wasn’t it part of their job to mention our “options” with a pregnancy that had a poor outcome?  When the baby was said to be “incompatible with life”,  isn’t termination usually encouraged?  I was only 16 weeks along.  Abortion in my state is perfectly legal at that gestational age, and actually the expected choice with a baby that had our baby’s condition.  So where was our counsel on that?  Don’t get me wrong, both my husband and I walked out of there so relieved that no one suggested we end our baby’s life.  We were prepared to explain our beliefs on that. But thankfully we never had to.  And that was such a blessing to us.  We were already heartbroken.  We didn’t need the added grief of having to defend the value of our child’s life.

We went home and shared the news with our children.  That wasn’t fun.   There were tears, and there were questions.  Some of the kids remained silent while others wanted to know more details.  It was a hard talk to have.  We told them honestly that we did not know how long the baby would be with us, that there was a possibility that he could pass away during the pregnancy, or he may be born and live a few minutes or an hour or a day or two.  Maybe a bit longer.  We didn’t know. Only God knew.   We told them that his body had an extra chromosome which wouldn’t allow some of his major organs to work correctly, that he wasn’t really “sick”  but that his body was just designed differently than ours and wasn’t made to live long on this earth.   We told them that despite his condition, right now he is here with us and we are going to enjoy him while he is alive and well in my belly, because no matter how short his life may be he deserves to be enjoyed and celebrated while he is here, that his life has a purpose, and that we are his family and we love him no matter what.

Towards the end of our talk, Rich said, “No matter what may happen in the weeks or months to come, right now you guys have a little brother growing in mommy’s belly, so let’s give this little guy a name.  Does anyone have any boy names in mind?”   

And after a few names were suggested, it was decided that his name would be Aaron.

aaronpregnancy1

If he survives the pregnancy and makes it to term, Aaron’s expected due date is December 1, 2015.  He is our tie-breaker baby.   We now have five girls and six boys.

And the boys want everyone to know this:  “BOYS RULE!!”

It couldn’t be helped.  They had to claim it.  The girls would have done the same thing, lol.

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